blog entry #3

Do you know that I started this blog back in 2012? I know it’s a stupid question. Of course, you don’t know that. Why should you? You’re probably wondering who the hell this person is and why the hell they’re rambling on and on about things that no one cares about, right? Well, sheesh, I know that you don’t care, so there’s no need to tell me that. I don’t have any illusions – well – delusions, really, about that anymore. And it’s not like you’re even reading this, so why should I care what you think? You’re not even here. I’m writing to myself. Anyway, I vaguely remember that I started blogging much earlier than that – around the time I started writing “Margaret’s Rematch” for the first time (in order to establish my ‘online presence’), so that was years and years back – and that there had been another blog before that and that it had been way more popular than this one but that I had to abandon it at some point because I messed up my account somehow or other and there was just no going back, which really sucked, because I never regained a rather large number of my followers after that and I always regretted that. I might have taken a prolonged break between the two blogs, I guess. I just don’t remember anymore – water under the bridge and all that. I do remember that there had been quite a few other blogs in between, with various entries dedicated to different subjects that all perished into the void in the end. But I’m glad that I managed to keep this blog running, even after the whole blogging thing became pretty much obsolete. I’m actually sorry that I got rid of all my other ‘side’ blogs, because as I set off down the memory lane here, scrolling all the way back to 2012, I realized how precious all these little memories are. Well, they’re precious to me, obviously – not to anyone else out there. As I’ve said before, I’m no longer holding onto the delusion that I’ll ever become so famous an author readers will scour every nook and cranny of the Internet in search for information about me and – most importantly – my books. I found it interesting to read through some of the older entries that were all about documenting my writing progress, hopes, and dreams, as well as reading excerpts from different writing projects, some of which have become actual books and some of which have been abandoned or forgotten. I envy Cassandra Clare in this respect: she went from a fanfic writer herself to a world-famous, best-selling author with thousands of fanfics about her own characters (not to mention a movie and a TV show!). Anyway, this blog was supposed to record my writing journey and my eventual publishing success and triumphant rise to the author stardom of Cassandra Clare’s caliber. Instead, it became a miserable record of my writing struggles and failures with sporadic mentions of my old and new book-, film- or show-related obsessions in between (or occasional relapse and return to my old fanfic-junkie days). I sometimes think that I’m the worst writer there is in terms of writing success (or its complete lack thereof) rather than in terms of my writing skills. After all, no matter how many times I take up blogging again and no matter what book I’m currently working on, I always end up here: back at square one with nothing to show for it. I guess some things never change.