How New Year celebration finally lost its magic for me... or not?

I have something of an obsession with New Year celebration – to hear me talk about it you'd think I still believe in Santa or something – and I think it's high time I looked the truth in the eye and re-evaluated my attitude towards it. So why not now? For years – despite all the evidence to the contrary – I've managed to convince myself to believe that it's a magical time of the year and that it should be celebrated with real pomp and gusto and with the table laden with food. I get really excited about a week before the celebration when it's time for the preparations to begin. In fact, I can spend the whole year thinking over and over again about something that will last less than an hour. 

Traditionally, my aunt cleans the flat and my mother puts up the New Year tree. In the meantime, my cousin and I make a list of presents we are going to buy as well as the festive menu that we are going to have; for some unfathomable reason it's essential for me that we have as many traditional New Year dishes on the table as we can possibly make, though we hardly go through half of them before we are full and sleepy and have to change into our pajamas, because our festive clothes have become too tight and uncomfortable. I think about the music we will listen or dance to (something we never actually do) and the films we will watch and I remain in the state of heightened excitement and anticipation even though I know that the only thing I will be getting (for example this year) is a pair or two of woollen socks, because that's all I've asked for. 

Naturally, once the actual celebration comes, it's swift and underwhelming. I become heavy with all the unnecessary food consumed at night, dizzy from a single glass of champagne (yeah, that's me) and kind of depressed when everyone goes to bed while the fireworks are still going off in the distance. I usually celebrate with my family and whenever we are all together I make sure to prepare some fun activities to enliven the traditional New Year celebration, which in our country in general seems to consist only of eating, drinking and watching TV. In this case the celebration lasts longer. 

This year half of my tiny family went to celebrate New Year elsewhere (to an actual themed party at a castle-like nightclub with their favourite music band no less!) and I remained at home with my mom. We could have gone downtown to watch the festivities there, but I couldn't imagine leaving our dog and cat alone, knowing how terrified animals are of fireworks. Surprisingly enough, our dog was more or less calm about them this year (having found her shelter in the bathroom) and my cat, who had never seen them before, was actually fascinated by the sight and kept avidly looking through the window in hopes of catching another colourful fountain of light erupting outside. 

Shortly after 11pm we thanked and said good-bye to the old year, shooing it out of the front door with our best regards, drank champagne, had some food, watched TV; an hour later we greeted the new year, exchanged presents, drank champagne, had some food (at which point my mom confessed that she could have done without the last helping of 'Оливье' commonly known as 'Russian salad') and watched some more TV. A slight snow was falling outside, creating a very New Year-y atmosphere. However, my mom fell asleep on the sofa with the book I had given her soon after that and when I woke her up to have some more champagne she said that she needed to have some proper sleep. I sighed but let her go. I stayed up a bit more, drank another glass of champagne and half an hour later went to bed too, feeling a great fit of dizziness coming over me. I woke up feeling calm and resigned. Apparently, I have finally grown out of my illusions.

P.S.: We had a short walk before breakfast and as we walked along snow-dusted streets surrounded by traditional peace and quiet of January 1st with sporadic explosions of fireworks that sent my dog back home I had some time to contemplate my reaction to this New Year celebration. I must say that if I'm completely honest with myself it's not all that hard to understand why I feel this way. Apart from having a ridiculous notion that something exciting and fantastic is going to happen, it all comes down to the fact that each year I make the same wishes and resolutions and then the year goes by and I look back and realize that I have to make the same wishes and resolutions all over again.

Don't get me wrong, I am profoundly grateful for health and relative financial stability of my family and I never forget to be thankful for that. However, there are other things that I want to have and accomplish and maybe I am asking too much but I just can't help feeling a tiny bit sad about it. So I'm going to make the same wishes and resolutions once more, because I have another excellent chance to fulfil them and I hope that I won't waste it again. Here is my annual pledge: I'm going to forge useful acquaintances, new friendships and lifelong partnerships both online and in real life; I'm going to keep looking for a literary agent, finish my current writing projects, establish my online presence and become a constant and committed blogger.

In the end, I must say that it was a very low-key, relaxed, pleasant celebration that predictably ended too soon, because neither me nor my mom are good at staying up all night. I'm already planning my next New Year celebration though and I think I'm actually going to do something different and fun. And this time I mean it!