Monday, 8 June 2015

I'm losing faith...

I think I've started writing less. Much less. I don't know when it started happening but I was looking through stuff that I was working on just several years ago the other day and I was astonished by the amount of writing I did back then. I started writing what I thought was my first actual 'novel' (which was actually just a novella) back at the university. I was so naive back then! I remember working on it, plotting it out, writing and rewriting, thinking that I had a solid thing there, that it would surely get published to major praise and mass adoration. I believe that all newbie writers go through this))

Well... looking at it now, I see just how inconsistent, illogical and ridden with plot holes it is. I want to believe that I've learned my lesson. I didn't write for some time after that, because it was only in 2009 that I finally had the courage to write 'Margaret's Rematch". After I finished it (a year later), I wrote a novella, another novel and huge chunks of two novels that I later abandoned. These two novels are the ones that I've been writing on and off ever since. Last year I finished writing my YA fantasy novel that originated from my very first not really a novel thing. It's longer than anything I've ever written but with all that I do believe that I've started writing less.

I wonder why. I have a lot of different ideas but I often lack inspiration or will to actually write. I want to but I can't make myself. Is it because I'm more busy than ever with work, sport, drawing? Is it because I'm getting old or is it because I'm tired and disillusioned with the idea that I will ever get published? What is robbing me of my wish and will to proceed? Don't get me wrong, I keep going, because no matter how little I write, I can't really do without it, but I don't feel that inspiration, that lightness, that feeling that dreams do come true. I'm losing faith and I'm afraid that unless my latest novel gets published I won't get it back.


  1. I know what you mean. I have been writing for 10 years off and on. You captured exactly the way I feel. I haven't been caught up in writing a story for almost two years. And like you I write almost everyday. I review what I've written etc. but a brand new idea, I haven't had in some time. And like you I can't stop writing either.

    1. It's like with so many people out there telling you what to write and how to write, the mystery of writing is gone. I even wrote a post about writing advice that instead of helping me makes me want to quit writing for good. But we shouldn't despair! We have to find the story that really fascinates us (I know it can take time) and that we are dying to tell and stick to it. You never know when or where or in what way a new idea will find you, so keep your eyes and ears open for the one - it's out there somewhere, believe me!